feeling alive even though I'm almost dead

How hard can it be to release yourself from this wanton spectacle of oddness & emptiness? 

I wonder how would it feel like to die without letting anyone know to try to stop you...

Wonder if anyone has ever hated me or loved me?

My parents loved me for sure. I wannna believe that . Who hated me? The ones who ruined ma life?

Ma parents again? Myself? Friends who flew away without considerin me being alive and alone 

All by myself?  Were they even friends?  My lies? How many lies have I made till now? How many eyes have I made teary till now?

Mines for sure, my mother's for sure, my father's for sure, I guess no one else cared much enough to get eyes full of tears cuz of my foolishness.

■Music suggestions:

# Tokyo ghoul- 'Hide' death song

# Tokyo ghoul- White silence

Cry my dear child, cry ..you'll never be born . You have no place in a rotten world like this.

I can't allow you suffer, to hurt yourself,  to Die thousand times durin the day n repeat the trauma 

The day after again & again...over & over.

Sleep baby, sleep...you can't breathe in a sulfuric air .